My Brain’s Greatest Hits: Overthinking Edition 🎶
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Illustration from Kevin McNamara |
Sometimes I think my brain missed its calling as a DJ because it insists on playing the same songs on repeat—except the “songs” are just all the ways I’ve been awkward, embarrassing, or catastrophic in the last 24 hours. Or the last 24 years. (Yes, I’m still haunted by middle and high school.)
Anxiety really is the gift that keeps on giving. And giving. And giving.
So today, I thought I’d share with you my personal Greatest Hits Album: Overthinking Edition. Maybe you’ll recognize a few of the tracks on your own playlist (because misery loves company, right?).
Track 1: What Did They Really Mean By That Text? (Acoustic Version) 🎸
Ah yes, the timeless classic. Someone texts “k” and suddenly my brain is convinced I’ve ruined the friendship, disrespected their family, and possibly started an international incident. (All over one letter! Imagine the power I wield.) Clearly the only reasonable response is to analyze every possible tone behind that single “k” like I’m decoding an ancient manuscript.
Track 2: Future Catastrophe (Extended Remix) 💥
Coming soon to a theater near me: every single thing that could go wrong tomorrow, next week, and in the year 2043. Will I get into a car accident? Will I have something stuck in my teeth during the interview? Will I trip in public and bein the background of someone's video? (Probably not, but let me stress about it anyway.) Who’s to say? My brain, apparently.
Track 3: The Social Hangover Blues 🎷
If you’ve ever spent brunch laughing with friends only to come home and spend the next five hours dissecting every single word you said—welcome to the Social Hangover. Was I too loud? Did I overshare? Did they actually mean it when they said “let’s do this again soon” or was that just polite? (Spoiler: they probably weren’t secretly plotting to cut me off forever. But try telling that to my brain.)
Track 4: Email Draft Symphony in G Major 🎹
Step one: write the email.
Step two: reread it seven times to make sure it doesn’t sound rude.
Step three: send it.
Step four: reread it again after sending to confirm I didn’t accidentally attach my grocery list instead of my resume. (Although, would that really be the worst thing? “Attached: Dr. Pepper, chips, guacamole.”)
Step five: wonder if “thanks!” had too many exclamation points.
And yes, this is a song that never ends. (Cue children’s choir.)
Track 5: The Midnight Greatest Hits (Live Version) 🎤
It’s 12 a.m. You’re cozy in bed, drifting toward sleep. Then suddenly: remember that time you mispronounced “epitome” in 6th grade and everyone laughed? Cue spotlight on my ceiling, my brain performing a live concert of every embarrassing thing I’ve ever done. By 3 a.m., I’m the sole audience member at a stadium tour nobody asked for.
Bonus Track: Did I Unplug the Straightener? 🔌
An underrated bop. Usually plays halfway to wherever I am driving or while I’m halfway through my meeting/meal/social engagement. Spoiler: yes, I did unplug it. (But hey, let’s check one more time… just to be sure.)
Why Does My Brain Love This Album So Much? ðŸ§
Because anxiety thinks it’s being helpful. Really. It’s like an over-caffeinated intern who keeps running into your office like, “Hey, I know you didn’t ask, but here are 27 versions of that thing you said earlier, just in case!” (Bless their heart. But please… sit down.)
Not exactly useful, but points for enthusiasm.
Closing Notes 🎧
At the end of the day, my brain’s playlist is chaotic, messy, and honestly kind of exhausting—but it’s also mine. And sometimes, the best thing I can do is laugh at it, skip a track when I can, and remember that everybody else’s brains are blasting their own weird remixes too.
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